How to Overcome a Pornography Addiction

Many people have seen the movie "Fireproof." In this movie, the husband struggles with an addiction to pornography. At first he doesn't think it's much of a problem, even though it causes him to fight with his wife a lot. Throughout the course of the movie, however, he realizes that if he is going to save his marriage, he needs to quit. He breaks his computer and throws it in the trash finally, not that all porn addicts need to do this, but for some, such drastic measures might be necessary. Here are some practical tips on overcoming an addiction to porn as a Christian.

Steps

1. Be humble and admit that you have a problem. You will not overcome anything until you first admit that it is really a problem, and realize then you realize that you do, in fact, want to be different or better.
⦁ The first step in AA or any recovery program is to admit that you are powerless over whatever your problem is. You have to come to see that in your own strength, you can't do anything to solve your problem or overcome your addiction. It is not until you are able to admit this that you will be willing to help from God and others.

⦁ You have to be humble and see that you can't overcome your sin alone. The Bible says, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me," but you have to ask Christ for that strength. If you think you can go it alone, God won't help you, because he does not force his help on us. Jesus said, "You have not because you ask not." You have to ask for God's help to get it.

2. Pray. The most important step to overcome any sin is to pray. And don't just pray casually; do spiritual warfare in prayer and break the strongholds in your mind and in your life.
⦁ In Mark 11:23 Jesus says, "Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them." This is how you need to pray, with faith, believing that God will help you in what you are asking for his help with. If you believe that God will help you overcome your addiction, He will. But you have to believe.
⦁ Also, the mountain Jesus is referring to is our problems. It is whatever seems to be a mountain in our own lives. That is what we need to have faith that we can overcome, with God's help.
⦁ Jesus said, "According to your faith, it will be done to you." How much you will be able to overcome anything will depend on how much faith you have that you can overcome it, and that God will help you overcome it.

3. Confess your sin to others. The Bible says, "Confess your sins to one another and pray for each other that you may be healed." You will not be healed of your addiction until you confess it to someone.
⦁ This doesn't have to be someone you know. You can pay a counselor, preferably a Christian counselor, who is paid to keep things confidential. You just need to tell someone. As long as your addiction stays secret and in the dark, it will grow. When we bring sin into the light, only then can it get better.

4. Get in a support group, preferably at your church. Most churches have a Celebrate Recovery program, which is an amazing program. Or just look at the website of the biggest church in your city and they will probably have the program. The times should be listed on the website.
⦁ You can't overcome any addiction alone. You need people to hold you accountable to your desired recovery. You need people that will ask you the tough questions.
⦁ Ask someone to be your accountability partner, and ask them to text you every day, or multiple times a day, and ask you how you are doing in regards to your problem. If you have to "report" to someone else, in a sense, it will make you a lot less likely to do the wrong thing. And be honest with your accountability partner. Make sure you find someone that you can be totally honest with, whoever that may be.

5. Be honest and take a moral inventory of your life. Ask yourself how viewing pornography has affected every area.
⦁ Here are some questions to ask yourself and possibly journal about: How has looking at pornography affect my relationship with God? How has it affect my relationship with my spouse (or girlfriend)? How has it affected my relationship with my friends? How has it affected my job? etc.

6. Work on your relationship with your spouse. Think about why you are looking at porn? Does it have something to do with your relationship with your spouse (if you are married)? If so, openly talk with her about things you might like to change in your marriage, such as being intimate more often, but do this with gentleness and respect. Don't demand certain things. Express your feelings about things that you might wish were different.
⦁ Forgive her for anything in the past and make plans that both of you will strive for a better marriage in the future.
⦁ Watch marriage videos online, go to marriage seminars etc. Get an older Christian couple to mentor you two and tell you all their stories and how they learned things the hard way. Go to marriage counseling. Talk to your pastor etc.

7. Work on your relationship with God. If you are sinning a lot as a Christian, obviously you need to work on your relationship with God. Ask yourself how you view God and to what degree you want to follow Him. Do you really believe what the Bible says, that there will be consequences for sin? Do you really love God? How much do you love God?
⦁ Jesus said, "If you love me, you will keep my commandments." One of those commandments was to never look lustfully at a woman, unless it's your spouse. Do you want to honor God with your life? These are all things you need to honestly ask yourself. See where you stand with God.
⦁ Paul said, "If any man thinks he stand, take heed, lest he fall." That means that you may think you are standing firm in the faith, but you need to not get too arrogant. It's possible that you think you are saved, when you are really not.
⦁ Jesus said "Many will say to me in that day 'Lord, Lord, did we not....' And I will say 'depart from me. I never knew you.'" He said "many" will say that. Not just some, many. So "test yourself and see" if you are really in the faith or not.

8. Be careful when you tell your spouse about your addiction. Depending on the personality of your wife, she might file for divorce as soon as you tell her. According to the Bible, any kind of marital unfaithfulness is grounds for divorce; this includes looking at pornography.
⦁ You might want to wait until you have been "clean" for many months or a year, for example, to tell her. She will probably need to see that you really are better first if she is going to stick around. Marriages can be restored and healed after such things, but it is very, very hard. Once trust is broken it is extremely hard to get it back.

Tips
⦁ Always believe in yourself, and God in you, that you can recover and you will.

⦁ Have grace with yourself. Know that all Christians struggle with something. You are not the only Christian struggling with sin. Typically, everyone has at least one sin they will struggle with their whole lives, whether Christian or not.

Warnings
⦁ When in your support group, don't give graphic details about your addiction. This might cause the other men in the group to stumble. Just give general information about your struggle.

May God bless you all!

Conviction

Yep, that's how I feel in relation to my view on doctors.  The only person who saw things the way I do was the guy I was with before my husband and he is now dead, ironically due to his doctor prescribing way too many medications for him. 
No one I know sees doctors as I do.  Most people I know put doctors at an almost God status which my whole life has greatly frustrated me; my mom, my best friend, other friends and now almost everyone I know.

I just think people need to recognize that doctors are generally wrong.  I'm not saying they always are, but they generally are. 

The only time my brother ended up in the ER was after a flu shot.  At least my brother feels somewhat the same as I do about doctors so that is nice. :) 

When I wrote my blog on medications about a year ago he said to me on the phone, "If you feel God led you to write about that then that's good."  That was nice to at least have his support.  But, that blog made my best friend cry sadly.  The only time in my life really that I had offended her really, in the 14 years that I have known her.  But I was just writing what I believe to be the truth. 

Sure it would be a lot easier for me to just go along with the crowd and see doctors as everyone else does, as being special and all wise, but I simply don't and never will.  Only God is all wise. 

I think they are generally con artists that benefit off of the foolishness and ignorance of the masses. 

I don't like doctors, for the most part. 

Granted they saved my life when I was 10 from appendicitis.  That was good.  They can do good and do at times.  But generally I think they only hurt people rather than make people better.  That is just what I have seen in the lives of everyone I know.  So that is why I feel the way I do about them. 

You, whoever you are reading this, are entitled to form your own opinion of course.  I am not forcing my opinion on anyone in anything I write.  I just express my own view points about things as I feel led to by God.  I write what I believe to be the truth, and always will, no matter what anyone says.  That is all. 

Grace and peace to you and God bless! :)

Weakness

I think part of my thing about doctors is a pride issue.
Deep down I think, "Doctors are for weak people.  And I am Not weak."

It is the same reason I have a hard time crying in front of other people.  I always want to appear like I have it together.  For the sake of ego and image I suppose.  But also I don't want to be a burden on anyone else. 

But it's logical because all my life I have had to be strong; strong from my mom, my brother, my dad, friends etc.

My mom has had major depression ever since what my dad did, so my whole life I have felt like I have been the one carrying her.  I have had to be strong.  I have essentially had to not have any needs of my own because her needs were so enormous. 

Granted that would be the hardest thing in the world to go through, what my mom did, marrying a man you thought was good and having him molest your own mutual daughter.  I would be horrified for sure, and in her place I probably would have committed suicide.  But she survived, thanks to her faith in God.

But her emotions and mental state were very weak after that, for a very long time.  She was almost unavailable, due to the overwhelming sadness inside of her.  I'm sure she was lonely, and angry at herself for marrying my dad. 

I suppose that is one reason I hadn't wanted to be a mom for so long, because I didn't want to not be there for my kids like I felt my mom wasn't.  Even if she was physically there, she was rarely emotionally there.  But God willing nothing major will go wrong in my family.  I think I have had enough trauma in my life so I'm trusting that God will spare me from anything else catastrophic.  I'm hoping at least.  He doesn't give us more than we can handle and I'm not sure I could handle much more, given all I've already been through. 

So I don't like appearing weak.  My whole life I have tried to be strong.  When I was little I didn't even like the color pink for that reason.  I didn't want to come off as weak.  That's why I got into basketball and sports so young.  I wanted to be tough.  I wanted to have what it takes to fight off anyone if I needed to.  No one was going to mess with me. 

And that is why pregnancy is somewhat frustrating for me because I do feel weak.  I can't walk as fast anymore. :(  I hate that I will have to depend on doctors in a couple of weeks to help me, because I know delivering not at a hospital is incredibly risky.  Women used to die in labor all the time.  But I don't like having to depend on anyone else for anything. 

Which has kept me from going to the doctor most of my life.  I think I only had to go when I was little for ear infections and have not gone since.  Well I went once in college to see if I was hypoglycemic because my mom is; that's the opposite of diabetic.  But the issue was just that I wasn't eating enough so I was feeling drained often. 

I really don't like eating, perhaps for the same reason.  I don't like that my body needs food.  I don't even like that need, of food.  I have always said if I could just take a pill every day and not have to eat at all I would.

The only need I don't resent is needing water.  I love to drink water. :)  And sleep.  I do love to sleep. :)  But otherwise I wish I didn't need anything else. 

I hate when people are needy.  So I never want to come off that way.  Perhaps I resent my own neediness, but given my past I have needed a lot of affirmation and the ability to regain trust in others.  But I wish I didn't.  I wish that had never happened to me and I was more self sufficient and fine.  I wish I had grown up in a good family that met all my needs and I didn't need to look elsewhere to get my needs met. 

God may that be the case for Serenity.  May she totally and completely have all her needs met, in us as parents, and you.  May she never need to look elsewhere to get her needs met.  May she be the happiest little girl in the world, and the best taken care of girl in the world.

Thank you God for Serenity and help us to be really good parents.  Help us to see her as you see her and to cherish her.  Amen. :) 

The Truth About Make Up

This article is amazing!  All my life I have felt there was something wrong with make up.  Check this out. :)  I pulled what I think are the best quotes from it. :)

http://rcg.org/books/tthbm.html

"The cosmetics industry makes billions of dollars annually. Fashion and Hollywood have set the standards for “beauty,” and most people agree with their taste. Women of all ages wear makeup! To most, it is important to be fashionable. But is this practice right—or wrong? Could it even be sin? Is painting your face “fashionable” to God?

Of course, some have no interest in what God says. The Bible h...as no meaning or value to them. They are not concerned with pleasing God. They are only interested in pleasing themselves or being accepted by people. Yet, others are concerned with what God says, but do not know His will....
"The last two decades have seen make-up progress from its early category of woman’s conceit to become an art and an integral part of feminine beauty and psychology." (conceit as in pride and ego)

"At the turn of the twentieth century, makeup was viewed as something only proud, even arrogant women wore...."

The lie of Beauty...

"Little girls can become obsessed with being pretty, when they should be enjoying childhood and playing with dolls and toys. They can easily become slaves to fashion trends that are inseparable from using makeup."

"Vanity—the desire to look more beautiful—is what causes women to paint their faces, and is perhaps the most powerful of human drives." (vanity aka. pride)

"Vani...ty is a powerful force in all human beings, and it is far stronger than most understand. Each person must have a healthy respect for the pull of vanity at work within him." (vanity is a sin. make up brings about vanity, therefore sin.)

"It is reported that “An estimated 1,282 tubes of lipstick and 2,055 jars of skin care products are sold every minute." (wow and lipstick tastes horrible and jars of skin "care" or cover up only cause acne, how ironic)...

 

How hard it is to be a woman....

"The pull of vanity begins early in life. Modern society places enormous emphasis on beauty. As a result, recent studies demonstrate that even very little girls are unhappy with themselves to the point of depression, with many actually contemplating suicide as a result! They feel that they do not measure up to their peers or favorite movie stars. Today, the obsess...ion with being beautiful has led nearly 10 million adolescent and teenage girls into eating disorders. "

"In describing this new trend, one beautician said, “It is as though we have given up on authenticity.” (yes I have always seen make up as a mask, literally and emotionally, it is a way to be fake and not your real self)

"Botox is only the beginning of the threat from various harmful chemicals and toxins that are latent in cosmetics. This has long been understood!"

(any chemicals in make up that you put on your skin can seep through your pores and be toxic to your body)

"Consider the meaning of the word mascara. If we just accept the word for what it is, then it becomes its own honest statement from the cosmetics industry. It comes from the word mask, and the word masquerade also derives from it. In essence, to wear mascara is to wear a mask—and to masquerade as something that one is not—for the purpose of vanity and perceived beauty...." yep.

 

"Even the word cosmetics has a revealing origin. It comes from the Greek word kosmos, which means “of this world, worldly.” (interesting)

 

"Plainly, the use of makeup started nationally in Egypt. The Bible uses Egypt as a type of the sins of this world, which Christians are commanded to come out of."

"Even before its use in Egypt, the original painted harlot was Semiramis, the mother-wife of Nimrod, and the founder of the Babylonian Mystery Religion. (Read our free booklets The True Origin of Christmas and The True Origin of Easter ...to learn more about Semiramis and Nimrod.

Semiramis is known as the mother of all harlots. She used makeup, as well as suggestive whorish clothing, for various religious and sexual rituals....

"Since the artwork described here also employed the use of makeup, it is no wonder that 100 years ago it was generally understood and said that “only bad women wear makeup.” (In biblical times, it was mainly just prostitutes that wore make up)

"The emphasis (in make up) has always been on beauty—and desiring beauty has everything to do with pride and vanity."

"Changing one’s appearance by facial paint is a custom ancient prostitutes have dictated to the modern age." (yep)

"Cosmetics were nothing more than a device used by harlots to, in effect, teach men to break the Seventh Commandment. This is the message of history—yet the whole world lies in ignorance of these facts!" The 7th Commandment being adultery. Porn stars wear tons of make up and have that effect on billions of married men all over the world.

"Israel trusted in her outward appearance instead of God—and modern women unwittingly do the same....."

 

"Ancient Israel always sought to be like the nations around her. Instead of being an example to them, Israel wanted acceptance from them! Women today are no different. Not wearing makeup would make them stand out—and people want to fit in and be accepted. Please examine yourself and recognize this natural desire at work in your mind!"

That is a very good article for sure :)

Beauty and Pride

I used to have a bit of pride about my appearance.

I grew up mainly in the beautiful southern California culture where beauty is everything.  Every girl or woman wants to, and tries to, look like Barbie there as much as they can.

I remember there was a girl in my high school class where every single day she would wear a short skirt, even if it was freezing outside.  Why?  To be beautiful.  Because that was all that mattered, or seemed to matter at least. 

When I was going into college two of my friends, from church ironically, said to me, "When are you going to do something with your hair?!"  So I felt somewhat obligated to get highlights.  And my hair did look good.  I got like 5 different colors of highlights in my hair. 

But about a year into my college life at Biola I was convicted that I had too much pride about my beautiful hair lol.  So I cut it short and died it to be dark brown again. 

I think it is important that as women we watch out for pride over our appearance.  We need to stop comparing ourselves to other women and focusing so much on our appearance.  I just listened to a great sermon by Jimmy Evans on Insecurity.  He said models have the highest levels of insecurity of anyone, and I believe it.  That is because they let beauty become their idol and their god, as it is for many who live in SoCal.  Of course it's good to look good to an extent, but when our security is in our appearance instead of God, that is really bad, and that leads to high levels of insecurity.   

"God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."

I knew that my pride over my appearance was hindering my relationship with God.  And everyone has a different thing that they might have pride about; their income, talents, abilities etc.   

I also had some arrogance over my skills in basketball.  I was the best shooter I knew, in practices at least.  I always choked in games though. :)  I had a horrible and discouraging coach so that didn't help.  I also had a lot of pride about my ability to sing, and about my grades and how easy school came to me.

It took a long time for me to realize that any good gift or ability I had was from God.  God was the one who made me and gave me the talents that I had, so all along I should have been giving him the glory and not myself, as I was. 

I was very puffed up with pride until my years in college at Biola. 

I was finally humbled there for various reasons.  I was in a program with a lot of students who were way smarter than me, and I knew it.  So that was humbling. :)  I played intramural basketball but we lost most of our games. :)  I wasn't asked out on a date at all until a month before graduation.  I was in choir but I felt quite inferior singing wise to the people I was singing with.  They sounded like the angels in heaven to me. lol :)

But all that was good.  I needed to be broken and humbled.  I love the quote, "Bend the knee or have it broken."  My security was in all these other things and not God.  God did me a favor in breaking me of the things I was prideful about. 

Verses on outward beauty:

1 Tim. 2:9-10 I desire "that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, 10 but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works." (Prostitutes in that day braided their hair.  It was the way a woman could look the most beautiful in that time. That is why Paul mentions it here.)

1 Peter 3:3-5 "Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves."

A verse on make up....

Jer. 4:30 "Though you clothe yourself with crimson,
Though you adorn yourself with ornaments of gold,
Though you enlarge your eyes with paint,
In vain you will make yourself fair;
Your lovers will despise you;
They will seek your life."
 

I guess eye liner was used back then too. :)  The point of this verse is that no matter how beautiful you try to make yourself, if people don't love you for who you naturally are, they will never love you. Love looks at the heart of a person, not at outer appearances.

Amen! :)

Pride is very dangerous, in anything.  Beware of pride in your own heart.  God says he detests seven things.  One of them is "haughty eyes."  Don't have haughty eyes.  Don't think you are better than other people in anything.  Be humble in all things.  Amen :) 

God bless!

How to be a Good Wife

How the Holy Spirit and how wives are meant to be similar....

1. Gentle- have "a gentle and quiet spirit which is very precious in the sight of God."

-this does not mean mousy and weak

-gentle and quiet is the opposite of rough and loud

-be a woman of faith, not fear

-women operate in fear a lot which causes problems, but gentleness is confidence

"When you are in control you do not become controlling."

2. Pure

-doing the right thing

-repay evil with good and God will honor it

3. Positive/Joyful

-not negative but encouraging to spouse

4. Patient

-lower your expectations of your spouse

-be patient with them in all things

-still committed even if our spouse is not perfect :)

5. Gracious

-mercy is sparing someone from something bad, but grace is giving someone something more than what they deserve

-still meet husband's needs even when he seems to not deserve it

-quick to forgive, overlook wrongs


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QphBOK2202o

Women are meant to be counselors
 
"When a woman tells you to not trust somebody, you need to listen to her.  Women can smell something men can't smell." :) 
 
"100% of the time when my wife warned me of something, bad things happened.  If you're a smart man you'll listen to your wife.  She has a kind of sonar or intuition."
 
"Also, the Holy Spirit is always connecting us with other people.  Women are great relational connectors like the Holy Spirit."
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0-FNmEWuCs

"A great wife is like the Holy Spirit, just like a great husband is to be like Jesus Christ."

"Jesus was anointed by the helper, the Holy Spirit.  He could not have done his ministry without the Holy Spirit.  He needed the Holy Spirit, just like husbands need their wives.  Marriage is an exact parallel of Jesus and his work with the church."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9QuZqhKNfA

Doctors

My overall view on doctors:  I feel very much that doctors are anti-God and God is anti-doctors.

I have very little respect for doctors for various reasons.

As I have written about before, the guy I knew before my husband was essentially killed by his doctor, due to the doctor prescribing way too many drugs for him.  And every other person I have been close to is pretty much being slowly killed by their doctors. 

How?  Through multiple surgeries that only hurt the person more than help them.  Botox shots in my friend's neck to supposedly stop her seizures.  Medication that my brother was on for ADD that made him hooked on drugs for life.  Anti-anxiety meds my friends have been on that only make them essentially crazy.  Causing my mom to have clinical depression for life by having her hooked on anti-depressants for too long. 

For most that I have known, doctors have only made life harder for them.  Doctors have only made people I know more sick and unhealthy rather than helping them to actually be healthy.

Why do doctors do this?  Because they make a profit off of not only keeping you sick, but making you even more sick than you were before you came to them.  Think about it. 

I was pressured greatly by my current OBGYN to take the whooping cough vaccine.  I declined.  A lady at my church said she knew someone who got incredibly sick from that vaccine.  Praise God I was smart and didn't get it.  Case number one that proves that doctors don't really care about you.

Another example, a friend I know got a flu shot in her last pregnancy.  She then got the flu from the flu shot and her baby came out prematurely.  The flu shot caused her baby to be a primi, the very thing they say the flu shot will prevent.  So case number two showing they don't care and that they are liars.

On medication, my grandma had a seizure a few weeks ago.  The doctors put her on "anti-seizure" medication that makes her hallucinate and see all kinds of strange and scary things.  It sounds to me like they put her on acid.  Case number three showing doctors don't care and are actually just paid drug dealers. 

Recently a doctor tried to tell me that using a heat pack for my back when I pulled a muscle was not ok since I am pregnant.  Since when does a heat pack cause damage?  Case number four showing they don't care and doctors think they can control everything you do in life. 

Relating to anti-depressant medications.  These medication actually make the problem of clinical depression worse and a permanent condition rather than a temporary one.  The medications give you a synthetic dose of serotonin, something your body naturally produces when you exercise etc.  After a while of taking the synthetic serotonin, your body actually stops producing it, leaving you completely crippled and dependent on the medication for the rest of your life.

Does that sound like they are making people better, or worse?  Worse, I would say. 

May God give us all wisdom regarding everything having to do with the medical field.  Amen. 

"Be as wise as serpents but as innocent as doves."